Thursday, February 21, 2008

Where we go from here

As of right now, Aidan is still on a ventilator. They are weaning him off of the sedatives so that they can remove the breathing tube, hopefully Saturday. He still isn't awake. He makes movements when the nurses move him or try to take his temp. He makes movements when we are in the room with him. This evening he was really moving his arms and when he does so his heartrate and blood pressure rise. I made the mistake of trying to read to him. I thought that hearing my voice would help settle him, but it only made it worse. The nurse told me that we needed to limit his stimuli right now since they are trying to keep him as calm as possible while they get him off the sedatives so we can get him off the vent.

His chest x-ray looked good this afternoon, so they went ahead and removed his chest tube. Everything that we are hearing is good. It's just baby steps. He did have a seizure last night but they got it under control in less than 3 minutes. He hasn't had another one today. We were told this morning that he would most likely be on anti-convulsion meds for about 6 months or so, and he will have to have some kind of rehab (just not sure yet, until he's awake and we know what we're dealing with for sure).

I did meet the mother of a little boy who had a similar accident 5 years ago. At the time the little boy was 2 and he fell into the family's swimming pool. This little boy was in ICU for 15 days and when he went home he was blind in his left eye and he had to go through rehab to teach him how to walk and talk again. The mother picked the little boy up at school today and told him that they were going to visit someone and he said to her, "we're going to see that little boy who fell in the pond, aren't we?" She hadn't even said anything to him about it before then. The boy brought Aidan a little stuffed dog and a balloon. It was so encouraging to see him now at 7 as a healthy little boy with no signs of having such a terrible accident.

Today was Aidan's birthday and I could think of a million other things I'd rather be doing for my baby's birthday than sitting here in the hospital. This evening hasn't been the greatest for me. I can't help but feel useless just sitting here. I can't help but blame myself for not keeping Aidan safe. It's my job. I don't like to anyone take care of my kids, because it's my job. They're my kids and my responsibility. I could have done so many things different to keep him out of that water.

Logically, I know that I can't go back and change the past, and I know it's no one's fault, but, my heart feels guilty. Aidan is such a strong little boy and we're going to get through this. Russell is going to get a job soon and we're going to go on with our lives and be a family. Well, enough of my little pity party.

I do appreciate all of your prayers and the wonderful cards that are being sent. We read them to Aidan every morning. We'll update again tomorrow.


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